So, despite my best intentions in the summer, I got a job all of a sudden and completely neglected to write on the blog whilst trying to find my way through life.
I’m going to write a small update, just to try and get back into the swing of things… but this will be quite hard because so much has happened in the last 7 months that I don’t really know where to begin!
So, we’ll start at the beginning. I finally got a job in London and I moved down there. From reading my first post, I was obviously pretty nervous about the whole thing, and that carried on when I first started.
To be brutally honest (as I said I was going to be when I started this blog), I had never felt more lost. Although I wanted to try London, the main reason I moved was because my boyfriend lived there and we’d decided we just couldn’t do long distance for another year. I’m glad I did the move, but it was so difficult. I missed my family and my friends, most of my friends were either travelling or having time off doing fun things, and all of a sudden I was working 9-5.30 and trying to adapt to adult life.
I felt pretty lost and lonely for the first few months, and my boyfriend really struggled with that. I think he felt like it was his fault for making me sad, but it caused such a strain on our relationship. On top of all this, we’d actually moved in together, which I think was beyond a shock for both of us. It turns out moving in with someone is not easy. And it is not always fun.
To say we struggled was an understatement. There was numerous other things that were stressing us both out, from the flat to new jobs, to money and cars, to family and friends. It seemed everything that could be stressful all happened at once.
This isn’t to say we didn’t have happy times. We really did. But in December (right before Christmas, solid timing) we broke up. Everything had got too much and neither of us were happy anymore. The sad thing was that we didn’t seem happy being apart either.
I can’t say I was surprised, but it wasn’t my choice. We spoke for the next few weeks and spoke about how we really felt, but at the end of the day, for one reason or another, we won’t be getting back together.
So just when I was starting to feel like London was my home, and I really had fallen in love with it… everything else fell to pieces. I can’t really explain what it feels like to feel as if your entire world has fallen apart. Heartbreak and missing someone are one of the worst feelings in the world on their own, but I also lost my life in London along with it.
I obviously moved out straight away (proper Drama Queen, packing my life up the day it happened) and came home, working in the Manchester office temporarily over the Christmas period. I then went back to London, determined to at least give it a go, but if I thought I was lonely before in London, I now felt like I was well and truly on my own.
I was living in temporary accommodation every week, and whilst my colleagues could not have been any more supportive (they were like a little family), I couldn’t expect to rely on them after-work-hours all the time. So mid-January, after a few weeks in London feeling like I was going to have a breakdown every day, I decided the best thing to do would be to give my notice in and come home permanently.
So, that’s where I’m currently at. I’ve been the lost graduate, moved to London to live and love, had my heart broken and become the very much lost graduate again. Currently sat at home trying to look for new jobs and really decide what I want out of my life again.
It’s hard to admit, but sometimes you forget what you really want in life. It’s not an easy question to answer, but I’m trying to remind myself that I am privileged to even get a choice. Lots of people don’t have the luxury of deciding that they can do whatever they want.
They say the world’s your oyster, I just need to decide what I want to do with it!