A Life Update… Life, Love and London

So, despite my best intentions in the summer, I got a job all of a sudden and completely neglected to write on the blog whilst trying to find my way through life.

I’m going to write a small update, just to try and get back into the swing of things… but this will be quite hard because so much has happened in the last 7 months that I don’t really know where to begin!

So, we’ll start at the beginning. I finally got a job in London and I moved down there. From reading my first post, I was obviously pretty nervous about the whole thing, and that carried on when I first started.

To be brutally honest (as I said I was going to be when I started this blog), I had never felt more lost. Although I wanted to try London, the main reason I moved was because my boyfriend lived there and we’d decided we just couldn’t do long distance for another year. I’m glad I did the move, but it was so difficult. I missed my family and my friends, most of my friends were either travelling or having time off doing fun things, and all of a sudden I was working 9-5.30 and trying to adapt to adult life.

I felt pretty lost and lonely for the first few months, and my boyfriend really struggled with that. I think he felt like it was his fault for making me sad, but it caused such a strain on our relationship. On top of all this, we’d actually moved in together, which I think was beyond a shock for both of us. It turns out moving in with someone is not easy. And it is not always fun.

To say we struggled was an understatement. There was numerous other things that were stressing us both out, from the flat to new jobs, to money and cars, to family and friends. It seemed everything that could be stressful all happened at once.

This isn’t to say we didn’t have happy times. We really did. But in December (right before Christmas, solid timing) we broke up. Everything had got too much and neither of us were happy anymore. The sad thing was that we didn’t seem happy being apart either.

I can’t say I was surprised, but it wasn’t my choice. We spoke for the next few weeks and spoke about how we really felt, but at the end of the day, for one reason or another, we won’t be getting back together.

So just when I was starting to feel like London was my home, and I really had fallen in love with it… everything else fell to pieces. I can’t really explain what it feels like to feel as if your entire world has fallen apart. Heartbreak and missing someone are one of the worst feelings in the world on their own, but I also lost my life in London along with it.

I obviously moved out straight away (proper Drama Queen, packing my life up the day it happened) and came home, working in the Manchester office temporarily over the Christmas period. I then went back to London, determined to at least give it a go, but if I thought I was lonely before in London, I now felt like I was well and truly on my own.

I was living in temporary accommodation every week, and whilst my colleagues could not have been any more supportive (they were like a little family), I couldn’t expect to rely on them after-work-hours all the time. So mid-January, after a few weeks in London feeling like I was going to have a breakdown every day, I decided the best thing to do would be to give my notice in and come home permanently.

So, that’s where I’m currently at. I’ve been the lost graduate, moved to London to live and love, had my heart broken and become the very much lost graduate again. Currently sat at home trying to look for new jobs and really decide what I want out of my life again.

It’s hard to admit, but sometimes you forget what you really want in life. It’s not an easy question to answer, but I’m trying to remind myself that I am privileged to even get a choice. Lots of people don’t have the luxury of deciding that they can do whatever they want. 

They say the world’s your oyster, I just need to decide what I want to do with it!

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The impact of social media, and my interview

The other day, I saw a blog post from a girl discussing how social media influences how she perceives herself, and how sometimes it really knocks her confidence. By far, I think this is something that the majority of my generation deal with daily. It is so easy to fall into the trap of feeling defined by the amount of likes you get on a post, and far too easy to compare yourself to others. I touched on this in my last post (see here: Introduction), but it really does make you feel worse when all you see are other people posting about their successes. You just have to try and remind yourself that it is all a false show, of course people aren’t going to post negative things about themselves for everyone to see… why would you?

Well this is where this blog is going to differ. I want to be brutally honest about things, in the hope that people actually feel they can identify with something, rather than just feel put down by it.

So, onto my interview. This was the second interview I’ve had since starting to apply for jobs a few weeks ago. It was a for a really good opportunity, loads of things to learn, a good salary, exciting tasks. Unfortunately, it just wasn’t meant to be.

For a start, the weather in London has been nothing but suffocating in the last week. The flat I was staying in, and soon to be moving into permanently, resembles an oven. You may as well have been on holiday in a tropical location, but without the sea, sand or aircon. Needless to say, getting ready in itself was a task.

I then got the tube into the city centre, obviously by this point, sweating to death. (I’ve since seen that the tube line I used was measured at 35 degrees). Not only was the weather making it an unbearable journey, but the location of my interview was having renovation works, and was basically a construction site. This meant the signs didn’t work, my maps on my phone didn’t understand why I couldn’t use the route it was telling me to, and I was at the end of the tether… before I’d even arrived .

I went into a cafe, asked for directions, decided to have lunch and cool down. In the mean time, I also messaged about four of my friends saying I didn’t even want to go to the interview anymore. Positive outlook all round.

Lucky I’d left myself loads of free time, as taking a break seemed to work in my favour. As soon as I set off, I pretty much found where I needed to be. Quick change of shoes (who can walk for a prolonged period in heels??) and I was let into the building.

The first part of the interview was a sort of task on the computer, slightly confusing but managed in the time given. I was cooled down and feeling much more positive for the second part of my interview.

And then I was sabotaged by the construction works and weather… again. Due to the works, my interview had been moved to a different building… 10 minutes away from the one I was in. Needless to say, after being taken on a brisk 10 minute walk through the 30 degree heat, in a pair of heels , I was sweating and flustered. Right in time to meet the board of people interviewing me. Joy.

Now the interview didn’t go terribly. But I’d been so off-put by my journey in, that the best answers just didn’t come to me, and I felt my memory going blank on a few of the questions. They were all really nice, and the lovely man at the end told me that he thought I’d done really well. I wasn’t convinced.

Of course, the news the next day was that I hadn’t been successful. Not a shock I suppose, but still not what you want to hear after going through all the effort of applying.

So, for all those people out there applying for University/jobs/other roles, and not being successful, you are not alone. (As much as it may feel like it when you look at your social media and see everyone succeeding in everything they do.)

Apologies for the long post, I hope it made at least a few people laugh or feel better about themselves. As for me, I’m currently trying to get my motivation back to apply for more jobs (hopefully with more success).

L x